ROARY: So, I hear that today is a special holiday!
LEVI: What holiday would that be? National Giant Sheltie Day?
ROARY: No "All looks and no brains", today is a day where everyone is supposed to honor their Fathers or the Father figures in their lives. It is a day to be grateful for all that Fathers/Father figures do and for their love and guidance.
LEVI: but my Father lives in Ohio. His name is Rambo. That's a really cool name isn't it?
ROARY: that's your BIRTH Father you furry fluff head, and no one cares who your birth father is! Definitely not ME! You have your other Father that you LIVE with! Who do you think feeds you and picks up your poop and puts up with your bulldozer, manic and foolish actions? Certainly NOT Mom and I. Since I'm older than you, I will go first. Mom ordered me this mustache from Maisonwares that she saw on the Hauspanther blog. Mom knew that I want to look like Dad!
I have a black one and a gray one! Now I look just like Dad!
LEVI: Where's your glasses?
ROARY: Oh what do you know? Dad doesn't wear glasses all day long. Anyway, it's not your turn.
Now I must write Dad a Father's Day greeting.
"Dear Dad, I thank you for coming to meet me at Petsmart two days before I was adopted, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be living with you, Mom and Levi. (Wait, the more I think about that, maybe I shouldn't be thanking you, living with Levi isn't the best you know). Also, you have to learn to give ME more attention. I'm older, better behaved and less aggravating, if I do say so myself! Whether you have let me fall through the cracks or not, (upon the arrival of Levi), I still love you Dad, never forget that! Just please get your act together, ok? Love, Roary"
LEVI: that was a ridiculous greeting, but whatever. Want to see what Mom got Dad for Father's Day? Here, I'll show you anyway!
LEVI: I don't know what an "asshole" is but I am CERTAIN that it means that I am extremely handsome and well-behaved. I think this is a most wonderful gift for Dad, don't you agree Roary?
ROARY: I'm trying to be gentle here, oh intellectually challenged one, the fact that Mom got Dad a shirt saying that sometimes you are an "asshole" is NOT a good thing! Mom would NEVER get Dad a shirt that says something like that in reference to ME. I don't take my toys and DROP THEM off the couch or onto the floor, trying to make as much noise as I can. I don't go around BARKING at the remote control and Dad's iPad as if they were my mortal enemies!! (Your fascination with barking at inanimate objects would keep a therapist busy for HOURS!!! ). I don't go ballistic at the drop of a hat. I don't act manic and out-of-control. To me, your actions define the word "asshole" perfectly.
LEVI: you think what you want, (oh wait! I heard someone in the hallway, it's time to go out of my mind!), and I will think what I want, and I say that being an "asshole" is a GOOD THING!
ROARY:Observe "oh brilliant one" in this photo. If that doesn't prove my point, I don't know WHAT DOES!!!
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MOM: This photo was added at the last second. I know you are NEVER supposed to take a photo shooting directly into a window but the shot was too good not to! Yes, the exposure is off, but oh well! |
LEVI: Enough about your bad photograph Mom. I am now sharing MY Father's Day greeting for Dad:
"Dear Dad, thanks for allowing me to jump like a kangaroo all over you, thank you for taking me on 5000 walks a day, (most of which I choose to just stand and let the wind blow my luxurious mane). Thank you for tolerating my incredibly deep and loud barking. Thank you for the seemingly never-ending supply of treats that you give me on a regular basis, (for pretty much doing NOTHING but sitting when I'm told to). Thank you for feeding me nearly all of my meals. Thank you for thinking that I am DEFINITELY YOUR FAVORITE! You have good taste! Sending Love, bites, barks and LOTS OF JUMPING, your FAVORITE, Levi."
ROARY: Well, I may not agree with a word of what you wrote in your greeting, but I think we can BOTH agree that we have the BEST DAD EVER!!! Thanks for all that you do, and all you put up with! Love from BOTH OF US!!
Roary and Levi
MOM: Sorry about another funky photo
because of the window in the background
Oh and Happy Father's Day to all of
you great Dads out here!!!!!!