Wednesday, June 30, 2021

"We All Shine On...."

 Today marks a year that my beloved Cody was taken away.


When I think back on Cody's life, it is as if it all went by in seconds.  Cody gave us thirteen years of love, laughs, fun, cuddling, and yes, sometimes aggravation, but mostly he gave us the blessing of sharing our hearts and our home with one of the most patient and loving cats I have ever known.


I miss Cody's quirky little mouth, I miss his gorgeous sea-green eyes, I miss him sitting on the armrest of the couch next to me, every night of his life for 13 years.

I miss his constant quest for food, his loudly announcing to all of us when we had to awaken and when we would eat.


Lenny and I probably mention Cody at least once a day. I often call Roary, "Cody." I sometimes am in the kitchen and think I see some gray fur out of the corner of my eye. 

I will never be able to re-live that day in print. NEVER. Believe me, you don't want me to. I remember Ingrid King of The Conscious Cat telling me I was suffering from PTSD, and a special woman I spoke to yesterday, who is in the Veterinary field, told me the exact same thing. She validated my pain by saying that those who  know the details of what happened that day, COMPLETELY understand that there is NO WAY I wouldn't (or my husband wouldn't), suffer from PTSD. Ingrid's comment and the special person who told me this yesterday, helped to give me some closure and to put my heart/mind at ease. For much too long I have beaten myself up because I promised Cody that  after his biopsy surgery he would be ok......until he wasn't. What happened to Cody was a freak one in a million incident, that I pray NO ONE ever has to WITNESS or live through.

There IS one strange thing that took place that day that I would like to share with you. Many years ago s special friend of mine made me a beautiful sweatshirt in honor of John Lennon's passing. (I am a huge Lennon freak). For a number of years I tore through closets trying to find that shirt and could never find it.

The day Cody passed, somehow he managed to go into the closet (where he often would lay in Bobo's old PTU), but due to his enormous loss of blood he couldn't make it in the carrier. Instead, when my husband found him, he was laying next to this.


My sweatshirt that I had been searching for and could never find. It was on the floor of the closet and Cody was next to it. 

I believe Cody was sending Lenny and I a message by choosing to die next to that sweatshirt. He wanted me to know that even if he was gone physically, he would never, ever be "gone." His memory would still continue to "shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun."......


Cody, Daddy and I miss you every day and love you more than you could ever imagine. I'll do my best not to cry.....I'll try and focus on the happy, loving, cuddly times.......the day I adopted you after YOU CHOSE ME, was one of the luckiest days of my life. Thank you my "Codester", "Codalicious", my "Co-dependent one"......you will NEVER be completely gone. You will ALWAYS "shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun." AND YOU ALWAYS WILL........



53 comments:

  1. Many, many purrs to you today on this sad anniversary.

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  2. they are in our hearts for ever and ever... but nevertheless that days are as hard as granite... and our mind shows us the memories we don't want to see... hugs to you ....

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  3. What a beautiful tribute to your sweet Cody. Mum and I have leaky eyes.
    Hugs and purrs as you remember that sweet boy.
    Purrs, Julie

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  4. That was a beautiful tribute to Cody's memory, Caren. I am trying so hard to hold back the tears. Of course Cody will never be far away from you. His memory is, indeed, for a blessing.
    Shimona

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    1. thank you so much, that means so much to me (((hugs)))

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  5. Oh, Caren, our hearts ache for you. We're sending love and Light, hugs and purrs as you mark this terribly sad day. ♥

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    1. Kim, you were a Godsend before, during and after the entire ordeal. I kept many of your emails and I periodically read them. Your words brought me so much comfort then, and they continue to do so. I can't thank you enough. Much love, Caren

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  6. Oh my dear friend.....my heart aches for you and all of us who have had to say goodbye (sometimes due to a horrible circumstance and sometimes "just because") to a beloved pet. It's been several years since Sammy passed away and I think about him all the time. Cody's circumstance was beyond traumatic though and of course you would have PTSD. Going through things like that are etched indelibly on our brains. I'm sure Cody was leaving you and Lenny a message that day...in the only way he could. Life goes on but so does the pain of memory. I hope that you'll spend today thinking of all the incredibly wonderful moments you had with dear Cody......sending you a big hug.

    Love, Pam and Teddy

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    1. Pam thank you so much. You are right, any pet passing is the most horrible pain.....but to see what we had to see is unimaginable. Thank you so much for your love, compassion and understanding. Much love always, I miss your Sammy sooo much too!!! xoxo

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  7. Mom still talks about Katie and Emma all the time. We don't mind, they helped us get the life we have now. Memories are painful, but they do get less painful over time and those who have passed send us messages now and then if you look for them and believe.

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  8. I'm sending hugs and love to you as you remember you special boy today. I'm crying after reading your post and the story about the sweatshirt - so lovely and such a comforting reminder that our loved ones never really die, they only change form. Shine on, sweet Cody.

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    1. (((hugs))) I will never, ever forget your words/actions of comfort during that terrible time. I adore you and it meant the world to me. xoxo

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  9. What a lovely tribute to Cody. He certainly shines on in your heart.

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  10. Sending you love and remembering your special Cody with you today. As you know, I made the opposite decision with respect to a biopsy for Bear (okay, the vet told me there was no need - Bear wasn't losing weight, etc) and that was the wrong choice. We can do our absolute best and still end up losing the furry companion we love so much - in a horrible way. You aren't alone in your anger, frustration and devastation. Any time you'd like to talk ...

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  11. Your dear Cody was so special and he always, always will be and nothing will ever change that. Such a lovely tribute to that special guy and great big hugs from all of us.

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    1. thank you so much dear friend! You also were a Godsend, before, during and after. Boy oh boy did you and I burn up messenger during that time. Your baby passed around the same time, sending you (((hugs))) and love

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  12. This is a beautiful tribute to your special boy. Cody is one of those beings who become an integral part of your soul. He will never be separated from you.

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    1. thank you so much, that means the world to me (((hugs)))

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  13. I always remember when our Angel Little Bit left us. I still cry.

    Have a blessed day, Caren. Big healing hugs for today. ♥

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  14. My heart breaks for you and your husband, Caren. This tribute is lovely and meaningful. We send hugs, purrs, and hopes for comfort and peace.

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  15. Sending you love and hugs as you remember your sweet boy. He truly was special. XO

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  16. PTSD is very REAL...especially when something truly horrific happens like it did to your precious boy. Cody is missed by so many, and this is an absolutely beautiful remembrance. Sending love and purrs.

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    1. thank you so much, I know you went through a horrific situation with Truffles too (((hugs))))

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  17. What a beautiful tribute on this anniversary day Cody earned his wings. I'm sure this was not easy to write however you eloquently articulated what it means to carry on and continue to shine moving forward. Cody lives on in you and Lenny. Those glimpses of gray fur in the corner of your eye is no coincidence...our beloved pets are still around. Continue to talk of Cody daily. It helps! May Cody keep shining his light now and furever.

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  18. Cody was definitely a super star of a cat. He had such a big heart. Glad to share memories of him with you today.

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  19. Roary, Levi, Mom & Dad
    I think I said thanks so much for your kind words when I left for the bridge but I wanted to say them again as you are special in me and my families hearts
    Love you Friends
    Timmy Tomcat and Family

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    1. and I forgot to add you to the post!!! UGH!!! It's all I could do to even WRITE it! xoxo

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  20. Cody will always be with you. Not that that makes it hurt any less.

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  21. Caren; as sure as I right this comment; I can guarantee it IS Cody you see out of the corner of your eye. He's letting you know he is OK, he's letting you know he's ALWAYS by your side, and call me nuts, I've been called worse; Cody, and Dakota, both in their own way, will continue to "stop bye".....sending hugs and loves to you and Lenny ~~~~ { the Lennon shirt ~~~~~~~~~~ yea.....was "sposed to be that way" ♥♥♥♥♥♥ Laura

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  22. Hugs to you today as you remember Cody on this sad anniversary. Funny you mention suffering from PTSD. I feel I’m suffering from PTSD too about losing Zoey, It was something I would never want anyone to go through. So I understand, I really do. (((Hugs)))) ~Sue

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    1. Sue, I was on my phone when I first read this and couldn't respond. My heart goes out to you.....BIG TIME.......I KNOW you understand. Sending (((hugs))) back.

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  23. Aw, man, I'm sitting here typing with tears in my eyes. Cody was truly one-of-a-kind, Caren. The love you shared has always been abundantly clear, and we are blessed that you shared him with all of us. Sending you and Lenny love and hugs today and always.

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  24. I read your tribute to Cody through my tears. The sweatshirt was a definite message from him. The flashes of grey you see are him letting you know he is watching over you. I honestly do believe they come back to make sure we are okay. I had two undeniable visits, one each from Eric and Flynn, and several I could have missed if I wasn't tuned in to them. I am sure Cody is making himself known that he is there, just keep aware of it and you will know. I send you and Lenny much love and comfort.

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    1. Yes, we found him next to the sweatshirt the day he passed, no coincidence I'm sure. I am CERTAIN that Eric and Flynn are with you ALL of the time!

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  25. Sending comforting thoughts on this sad anniversary. Once by your side,forever in your heart.

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  26. Catzowey that’s a man cat sized tribute to Signore Cody. I was so so so honored to be his FB pal for so so many years. Now from Heaven, I see my Staff with leaky eyes as she reads your caring tribute to Cody. dontcha worry Signora Caren cuz he’s right here on a puffy cloud with me lounging in sunny rays and we has Cloud delivery for our creamy catpuccinos too.

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  27. We miss sweet Cody too.

    Sending hugs, purrs and love xx

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  28. There is not one pet parent who read your beautiful tribute to Cody doesn't also feel your pain. We all have had our Heart pets, and upon losing them we feel the grief for years to come. It's tragic the way Cody passed, and my heart aches for you. Cody will live on in our memories thanks to your joy of sharing him with us all. Kimberley Koz

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  29. Oh, do we miss Cody, too. But what a lovely, lovely gift he left for you...a sweatshirt is one nice thing, but the gift of memory and spirit is far greater and you will have it always.

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  30. I had a lot of that PTSD in my minds eye and heart after we lost dear Minko so suddenly...and even though its already been a few years, every Father's day brings back those feelings...

    This is such a lovely and touching tribute to your sweet Cody, and how amazing that he kept that shirt hidden from you until just the perfect time.
    Sending much love to you, Lenny and your new fur kids at this time...and a ton of hugs, too. ♥

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    1. Sending much love to YOU as YOU remember sweet Minko (((hugs))).....thank you for your kind and thoughtful words. xoxo

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  31. Though the details may be different, what Kim above said in her first sentence says it all. Our hearts go out to you and Lenny on this very sad anniversary. Not that you need to be told, but Cody obviously left a massive imprint on your hearts and it will always, always be there. Be well.

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  32. Big hugs to you and your hubby. I especially love that display you have with his picture on it - the first photo - it is so beautiful, as are all of the photos. He was such a handsome cat! ♥

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    1. thank you so much, I think he was pretty handsome too :)
      xoxo

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  33. Thanks to ALL of you for your incredible comments, even if I couldn't respond to each and every one of them, please know how much I DEEPLY appreciate them!!!! Sending love and gratitude to all of you! xoxo

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  34. Hugs to you! Cody was such a sweet, special kitty. Thank you for sharing him with us so we could know him too.

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